January 22, 2009

It’s like two in the fucking morning, but I had to write this down – NOTE: TALK TO DR. SANTA ABOUT THIS.  GET MEDS.

I saw her again last night.  Before you ask, Asshole, no I’m not drinking.  Not that I haven’t been tempted, mind you, but Jen said she was proud of me for staying sober. 

Last night.

I feel asleep hoping for that sex dream again, but instead I was at Jen’s house.  It was cold and dark, and my heart was pounding hard.  I called out for her, and she popped out from the fireplace, and all of a sudden, there was light and warmth.  I’m sure that’s some simile or metaphor or something for her being in a good place, but all I cared about was that I could see her, smell her, and touch her. 

We embraced, and the first thing she said to me was, “I’m so proud of you for staying away from the booze.  I know this isn’t easy.”

No shit.

I tried to ask her questions, to find out if I was losing my fucking mind, or if she was really haunting me or if I just have one shit hot imagination.  She just laughed.  She didn’t answer, instead she said, “You have to be Ava’s daddy again.  You can’t be my mourner.  Your little one needs you.”

Then she leaned in and kissed me and I woke up with a smile on my face.

Then I saw it was still dark, but had to write it down in case I forget it when I wake up for real.

She’s right.